Late night musings

For such a momentous occasion, 2010 arrived without much fanfare and without much pretense. I've been reflecting back on the past year... last year at this time I was in Vancouver with my friends at the coffee shop. Things were simple. I had a job that never extended into my personal life, I was in love, I was living in a city I loved, each day felt like a gift, and most of all, despite my confusion and lack of focus on the future, when I look back to where I was December 2008, one thing sticks out brightly in my memories... the happiness. I was happy.

Fast forward twelve months and I don't ever see that girl anymore. I have a good 9 to 5, I've found friends here who are amazing, but I'm still just as lost and confused as ever. It almost seems like the last year has been a state of steady decline, despite achieving so many things I always wanted, thinking they would make me happier... but nothing is simple anymore.

The nights are the worst. During the day its easy to go on about my business, put on a smile and pretend like everything is fine. But at night sometimes the loneliness is overpowering and I feel like my heart might explode from the pain. Some nights I can't stop the tears until sleep mercifully takes me away.

I keep waiting for the light in the darkness to appear... the quiet whisper of "This too shall pass."