Changes.

I think about my future puppy all the time.

For awhile I thought it was a little pathetic.  And I guess to outsiders, it probably is.  But the truth of the matter is, I've made a completely life changing decision.  This isn't a haircut, a new diet or even a new apartment... he is a living, breathing thing that needs the be cared for and loved.  This is over a decade of commitment. I will no longer be able to just leave for the night or weekend.  I can't stay out too late after work.  I will have something waiting at home, depending on me and relying on me to be there. But on the other side, I will have something to go home to.  I'll have a pet that gives me unconditional love.  It's a big commitment, but for the past 6 months plus I've thought about it and considered it, and now it's finally becoming real.

So like I said, I think about my puppy all the time.  When I go to Target and see small fleece blankets on sale, 2 for $5, I think, "Blankets are on my puppy list."  When I see special Christmas toys, I think, "Toys are on my puppy list."  I read nutrition info on dog food/treats and wander around the pet store.  I research (and have since purchased) different collar/leash/harness ensembles. I check the price of Greenies and check how big a litre food bowl really is.  I think about things like making sure my future pet gets enough calcium and vitamin D after he comes home with me. This is becoming very, very real.

And I know I sounds mostly crazy, because I don't yet have the pup.  But it's a huge change for me and my life, and being the perfectionist I am, I want to make sure I am completely ready.  And I think I will be within the next month when he's ready to come home with me.

I've been told he's mischievous.  He manages to get himself into places he can't get out of yet because his eyes still aren't open.  He's an only child (his littermates died after a few days) so he's spoiled by of all six adult dogs he lives with.  He likes to sing in the morning and cries when he's left alone at night.  He's a tiny guy with his own, very vibrant personality.

So it's a big life change, but one I can't wait to embark on.

My little guy!

At two weeks... He's so tiny!!

Big News

I'm getting a puppy!!

(not my dog.)

He is a Shih Tzu, white with black spots that I've been told will fade after the puppy stage and he will end up being mostly white.  Since he was only born last Monday, it'll be another 6 or 7 weeks before he's ready.  She thinks I'll be able to take him before Christmas, which would be perfect because it will allow me a lot of bonding time with the little guy over the holidays!

Tuesday.

I went back and read some of my old journals today... my really old ones.

It makes me sad that the writer I was then has completely disappeared.  The girl I was then managed to make me feel things I haven't felt in 7 years... I could remember exactly what I was feeling as I wrote each entry so long ago. The beauty of the human body is that although it can remember pain, it can never again feel that again.  I can remember that it hurt, but I can't remember the exact feeling.  I don't know where that girl went... who can remind me of pain so many years later, but I would guess that sometime over the past 6-7 years she grew up.

I couldn't stop crying tonight... yes, my old self was worried about typical teenage things like image, college, school and boys (and yes, in that order)... but when I wrote about things like "Stacy is still alive" as something I was grateful for that day and "Stacy is feeling better despite chemo" and "Stacy graduated today!" it absolutely breaks my heart. At the time, I considered her a really good friend and now I don't even think about it... or her. She was the first friend of mine to pass away and I feel ashamed of myself that I give the insignificant things in my life more than the the girl who helped remind me to be more thankful for every day at that point in my life.

Even though, in many ways, I was so much more shallow then, I was also so much more grateful.  I believed in life, I believed in love, I believed in every day and I believed in God.  When did I lose myself?

Franklin Be Present Necklace, by Jess LC

love.

here.  (via dailycandy)

11. Smile and laugh often.

11. Smile and laugh often.

As I mentioned in my previous post, this goes hand-in-hand with number 10.  Part of the way I'll try and lighten up is to find reasons to smile and laugh often.  Not just once in awhile.  I used to work with a girl who had this laugh that you could hear across the room, and not in a bad way. It made the whole room light up when she would laugh... which she often did because she was able to appreciate the little things.

So when something is funny, I will make the conscious effort to laugh out loud instead of giggle to myself.  When something makes me happy, I will smile whether or not anyone sees it.  I want there to be happiness and joy in the small things.

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." - Thich Nhat Hanh

10. Lighten up.

10. Lighten up.

I've always been a fairly serious person... I have a difficult time taking jokes or finding the time to laugh, especially when stressed out or feeling pressure in some way.  So this is to remind me that life isn't serious... it's supposed to be full of mistakes, whimsy & laughter.  It's not about the destination but the journey, after all.

My 11th commandment goes hand-in-hand with this one, so I'll explore it a little more in the next post.  In the meantime, a quote from a song I've never listened to, but a friend of mine years ago used to say this all the time...

The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
- Indigo Girls, Closer to Fine