Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art

I just finished watching the 2009 film "Bright Star" and can't believe I didn't watch it sooner than tonight.  The love story of John Keats and Fanny Brawne is told so absolutely, heartbreakingly beautiful...

Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art —
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like Nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors —
No — yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft swell and fall,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever — or else swoon to death.

- John Keats, 1819

Bear patiently, my heart...

"Bear patiently, my heart, for you have suffered heavier things." - Homer

My hearts hurts. And I don't know why I still care.

Not-So-Happily Ever After

(here.)

Vancouver-based photographer with a very, very great series on what happens after "they lived happily ever after."  (via.)

Puppy - 7 wks

January

I've been thinking a lot about January lately.

It seems like December is always a rough month for me and I don't know why.  I always want to end the year with a bang but something (seemingly) disastrous happens and I somehow survive the end of the year and make it to the next.  This year is not that catastrophic, and it will be the month this year where I have a new addition to the family.... but December exhausts me.

And so I've already been considering January and 2011.  I think I want to make 2011 a year of health: Physical health, mental health, financial health.

In January, physical health will be my shoulder surgery and beginning the long process back to full shoulder mobility; mental health will be re-reading "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin and possibly putting my own happiness project to work... I've already started it but need to implement more; and financial health will be re-implementing "No Buy Month."

For "No Buy Month" I'm not allowed to purchase anything that I don't need.  Since it will be after the holidays, I will allow myself to spend gift cards, but aside from food, bills, puppy products & household necessities, I will not be making any unnecessary purchases with my paycheck.  I realized today that I can have all of my debt paid off in under two years while greatly increasing my retirement accounts if I just get serious about it.  I have a goal to have $100,000 in retirement by the time I'm 30, but at this rate it definitely won't be happening.  I need to stop flaking and purchasing unnecessary items and get my act together!

So there it is... now I have something to look forward to while I finish out the last two weeks of an absolutely miserable month. And hopefully will be getting puppy on Saturday!  Co-worker said he's drinking water and eating solid food, so he's ready to go!!

The courage of the seed

(source)

"As a seed buried in the earth cannot imagine itself as an orchid or hyacinth, neither can a heart packed with hurt imagine itself loved or at peace. The courage of the seed is that once cracking, it cracks all the way." - Mark Nepo

"Ruin in the road to transformation." - Eat, Pray, Love

I "liked" this Tiny Buddha post (Finding Joy in the Ruins of a Crushed Dream) on Google Reader yesterday, not knowing that a mere twelve hours later as I bawled my eyes out to one of my best friends--who just happened to be visiting for the night-- that I could take a ton of wisdom from the post.

I have learned so many lessons from this experience. Here are the top four I’d like to share:

1. Everything happens for a reason.
2. Sometimes, things have to get a whole lot worse before they can get a whole lot better.
3. You create your world with what you choose to think, say, and do.
4. ‘Ruin is the road to transformation.’

December just doesn't seem to be my month... ever.  But I survived the last one, I will survive this one.  I've prayed for so long asking for a sign or for anything, and last night I got my big, blinking neon sign.  Message received.