Silence

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

- 1 Corinthians 13:7

I feel incredibly down right now. There's no reason for it... I had a good day at work, I'm feeling optimistic about the future. But I heard from him yesterday and I responded badly. Even though I waited hours to allow my self some time to calm down and think about it, I will still angry and bitter in my response. Even worse is that I haven't heard back... I never do. Its always a hard reminder that I really don't matter.

After two years I would have thought I deserved more than repeated silence, but I didn't even get a real breakup or a real goodbye.... so I don't know why I should continually hope for more.

I guess I can count this as further proof that I can stop holding my breath and start getting on with my life. It's just hard when you've fully committed yourself to someone, expecting for that commitment to be for life, and it's thrown back in your face with silence, selfishness and excuses.

But I don't want to be angry and bitter and hurt and resentful... I want to celebrate the joy in what I do have rather then fixate on what I do not.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.